Sunday, March 7, 2021
BIBLICAL ANSWERS Do You Struggle to Forgive, or Wonder if You Truly Have Forgiven?...

Do You Struggle to Forgive, or Wonder if You Truly Have Forgiven? Get the Answers You Need Today

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Forgiveness – a tough subject for many reasons. There are many different views on what constitutes forgiveness, and there is so much information on the Internet concerning this. Who is right and who is wrong? How do you sort this all out and decide for yourself what is true and what is false?


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What Forgiveness is and What it is Not

The first and foremost thing to remember about forgiveness is that if you desire to have the forgiveness of God, then you must forgive others.

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Matthew 6:15 But if ye forgive not men their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses

When you make the choice to forgive someone it does not mean letting that person off the hook for wrongs committed against you, it means that you will choose to no longer hold them accountable for these wrongs. The one(s) that wronged you are still answerable to God for their wrongs, but you will not hold their wrongs against them any longer.

Many do not want to forgive because they feel that they are letting the one that wronged them off the hook; the one who hurt them got away with it. This view is not only wrong but will hold you back, and will cause you harm – not the one who wronged you. In choosing not to forgive, the one who will pay the biggest price is you and no one else.

Why You Should Forgive and How to Tell if You Have

Forgiveness is not about anyone else and it is not for anyone else. Forgiveness is for YOU. When you choose to forgive – you open the cell door to your own self imposed prison and allow yourself to walk out that door.

If we expect God to forgive us, then we necessarily must forgive others.
Matthew 6:15

I want you to think about that person you have not forgiven, you know – the one who deeply hurt you. What are your first thoughts? Anger, depression, resentment, revenge, maybe all of these? Do you feel these strong emotions only because of what this person did to you? No. There is more to it than that, you feel these strong emotions and/or continue to think about it because you have chosen not to let go of the hurt and pain caused you. This leads to anger and resentment as well as other unhealthy emotions and can even negatively affect your health.

When you choose to forgive however, you free yourself from the bondage of these negative thoughts and emotions. When you have truly forgiven from your heart, you will no longer be a slave to these torrents of emotion that bog you down and drag you through the mud. Freedom will be yours!

If you bring up the past to the person who hurt you, using it to attack him or her, belittle or anger him or her – then you have not truly forgiven them. However, that being said, this is where this writer’s opinion will differ from others. Some will say that if you continue to think of the infringement against you, you have not forgiven. I disagree. How often do you think about it? Do you take any action or only think about it?

If one is always or often thinking about the wrong done to you, then it is likely you have not really forgiven. If one thinks about it on occasion but does nothing else, maybe you have forgiven – it depends. If one thinks about the offense and becomes upset – but then you stop yourself and remind yourself that, “I have chosen to forgive X for X”, then put it out of your mind – it is this writer’s opinion that you have chosen to forgive. Forgiveness is a choice and sometimes we need to choose to continue to forgive. Although we choose to forgive, that does not mean our pain instantly goes away, often it takes a while for that to happen.

Taking that first and all-important step of forgiving leads to the real healing. Choosing to forgive contrary to what others may tell you does not mean having to maintain a relationship with that person. Depending on what happened a relationship might end, but that in no way means that you have not forgiven. Forgiveness does not mean you always forget and sometimes you should not forget.

Choose to forgive and God will see to the rest – choose to forgive and choose healing.

Viewpoints expressed herein are of the article’s author(s), or of the person(s) or organization(s) quoted or linked therein, and do not necessarily represent those of TCP News

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  1. Hi Greg: Wow, you did it again.:-) I had the hardest time for many years forgiving my Dad for the abuse he inflicted on me plus other members within my family. Even after I forgave him I still harbored a lot of anger but like you said when it comes up in our mind we might have to forgive again and again. I’ve done a lot of that, too plus when the enemy tries to “stir things up” I let him know in a hurry that Christ forgave me and I have forgiven my Dad. Stops him right in his tracks! I’d really like to reblog this on the Cyber Support Group but you don’t have a reblog button. Darn! With your permission I would like to try to paste it there if that’s okay.

    • You are more than welcome to share anything I ever post Sue, thank you for the compliment. 🙂 This will appear tomorrow on ICB otherwise.

      Yes I hear you in what you said, been there and done that. I have forgiven my father but have no desire to see him again.

      • I’m glad you brought out the lack of desire to see your Dad and you don’t have to. When I was leading support groups I was amazed how many thought they had to continue to interact with an abuser even though they had forgiven him/her. Especially if it was a family member. We, the victim, grow and heal, not the abuser.They seem to always remain the same. God doesn’t want us abused; then, now, or in the future.

        • Right on Sue, God would prefer that there be reconciliation but not at the expense of our sanity and healing. Some teach there is no true forgiveness without reconciliation but I very much oppose this idea. As you said, God does not want us abused…

  2. A BIG AMEN Brother in Christ Jesus-Yeshua Greg!!

    The only WAY to enter into HEAVEN is through Jesus ( Yeshua ) Christ and HIS BLOOD HE shed on the CROSS for all of us!!

    Happy Easter / Passover Everyone!! Happy Shabbat Shalom ( Peaceful Sabbath ) / Happy Shavua Tov Everyone!!

    Love Always and Shalom, YSIC \o/

    Kristi Ann

  3. Greg, without going into private detail, is the reason you have no desire to see him again because it is painful to you? I have the same reason concerning a sibling and just wondered. It helps to talk about it. God Bless You and thank you for this post. Happy Easter.

  4. Thank You so much for sharing with me. This website and you and your contributors mean so much to me. Love and Healing to you and to all who shared here. The Holy Spirit is The Great Comforter. Let’s continue to pray for all who have hurt us in the past and are possibly not living right according to God’s Word, Amen

  5. In my situation, I didn’t know my mom emotionally abused me until after she died and people kept telling me that this is what happened. I grew up thinking mom was right I was defective and that was truth. I’m not sure if forgiveness has truly been given by me because she IS dead. People who have loved me have helped me to see it wasn’t me….it was her, yet how do I know I’ve forgiven her since I didn’t realize I’d been abused until years after her death?

    • That is a difficult situation to be sure. First it is important to understand that NO one is a defect – regardless of what you or they might think. Everyone has their problems some more then others.

      You were manipulated by your mother into thinking you were defective, God makes no one defective. I would suspect your mom was projecting her own problems, her own inadequacies, her own resentments – onto you, thereby taking out on a basically defenseless child her own issues. It is hard to have any self esteem when you are made to feel that all you do is wrong, but that thinking was molded by how your mother treated you.

      You have accomplished the first part, you have acknowledged that you were abused by your mom. ONLY in the sense of forgiveness – mom’s death does not matter. The issue of forgiveness is for you, not her. Mom never needed even know if she was here yet that you forgive her – in other words, forgiveness is not dependent on her in any way.

      How can you tell? Can you think about the past without becoming very angry about it, without it consuming you? Can you when and if you become upset about mom remind yourself that you have forgiven, and then let it go? If so, then yes I would believe you have forgiven her.

      In a minor situation we can forgive and be done with it. But in something that is traumatic, we will have to forgive again, and again, as many times as it takes until we no longer need to.

      Some say forgiveness is a one shot deal, I disagree. Think of it this way, when that past hurt rears its head again, and you can by reminding yourself that you already forgave X for X – and you are then able to let the issue go, this should tell you something. Namely that in so doing, your forgiveness is genuine, otherwise reminding yourself that you forgave would do nothing!

      We are human, and we are prone to think of that past offense, and to – Satan is right there egging us on to do so, because he knows how destructive this kind of thinking is.

      God bless you and bring you healing

      • Thank you. I don’t always have good memories about my mom and can’t say I miss her very much after nearly 20 years, but when the hurt and thoughts do come, I DO know that I don’t dwell on them and remember that I did forgive her though she was already dead at the time. I still have scars from things that happened but, it is good to know that I really did forgive her. Thank you again!


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